I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
