She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
