after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
