you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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