Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
