Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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