worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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