WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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