so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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