Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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