My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
