this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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