it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
