she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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