just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
