Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
