hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
