Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
