I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
