I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
