Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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