One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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