So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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