Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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