Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
