I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
