He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
