mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
