I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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