i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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