If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
