The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
