I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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