Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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