when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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