i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I want a musical about memes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
