so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
