She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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