We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
