nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want to make a zoo with you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
