Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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