my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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