i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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