i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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