i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
