if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
