I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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