Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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