She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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