kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
