Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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