Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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