We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
