My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
