high people should be assigned attendants
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
