It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
