I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
