idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
