Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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