It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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