Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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